The 2024 Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking FrenemiesTM️

Editor’s note: This is the final edition of Fingers for 2024. Happy holidays, and thanks for another great year, Fingers Fam.—Dave.

Whether it’s shopping for all the most incorrigible pieces of shit on your holiday gift list, or publishing a gift guide to help you shop for all of said incorrigible pieces of shit, there’s simply nothing like waiting until the last minute.

Lo: with less than 24 hours to go until Christmas and the start of Hanukkah, the Fingers Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™️ is here with piping-hot picks for all the steaming piles in your life that you’re obligated to buy presents for by professional norm, personal decorum, and/or family court order. Now in its fifth year, this year’s BHGGfH-DF™ has gift ideas for:

• The remote-work brogrammer that never turns his camera on for Zooms;

• Your TikTok sister who bought a farm to “build generational wealth;”

• The guy at the gym who talks about “no-nut November” no matter what month it is;

• Your otherwise-normal aunt who thinks RFK Jr. makes some good points;

And so many more! If you’re stuck with any of the types above—who are, for legal purposes, entirely fictional assholes, I swear—consider giving them any of garbagio the below!

Or, rather than actually buying any of this corny, overpriced, or otherwise deficient junk for the people you love to hate, buy a gift subscription to Ye Olde Boozeletter for yourself or a loved one instead:

It’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year, and not in the Cousin Eddie sense. And it’d also be a gift to me, so that’s really two gifts, if you think about it. Pretty cool?

Alright, alright, I’ll stop begging and cut to the stuff you can chuck at your various fuckers. We’ve got some real doozies in here this year, folks. Don’t miss the tater-oriented Night Before Christmas rendition at the bottom. Without further ado, it’s your Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™ of 2024!

Subscribe to Fingers to read the rest.