Please sustain independent journalism about drinking in America with a subscription:

I depend on readers to underwrite the labor that goes into producing this newsletter. Thanks for your support!—Dave.

Bang Energy’s chaotic chief executive, Jack Owoc is an iron-pumping MAGA maniac who likes to be photographed with TikTok fitness influencers less than half his age, and once got sued by a competitor for claiming that his products could “reverse mental retardation” and “help” Alzheimer’s.1 The high school science teacher-turned-“chief scientific officer” has a catchphrase that objectively rules (“If you ain’t Banging, you ain’t hanging”), which he often bellows hoarsely in videos posted to his 1.1M-follower Instagram account.

Owoc’s Instagram has been a small obsession here at Fingers HQ for a while now. It’s like Creed Thoughts meets Tony Perkis, Ben Stiller’s psychotic fat-camp fuhrer from the 1995 Disney classic Heavyweights. As I’ve written before, if you’re looking for a quackishly unhinged #content machine to add to your feed, @BangEnergy.CEO most certainly has you covered. Case in point: the other day, Owoc posted a video of himself receiving an injection of what he referred to as “CTM Boost.”

In the caption, the exec describes the treatment as “preventative medicine” to combat shoulder wear-and-tear from “years of heavy lifting.” More specifically, according to the doctor wielding the syringe in the video, it’s bunch of birth tissue (emphasis mine throughout):

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Owoc shooting up weird shit and posting it for clout, and I’ve got no beef with regenerative medicine.2 But still, it’s a little bizarre to see a Republican megadonor who regularly posts bible verses and prayers to GOD and CHRIST JESUS in BLOCK CAPS filming himself receiving birth tissue injections to help him achieve #gains.

After all, for decades, right-wing evangelical Christians have been obsessed with the scientifically false idea that doing research with embryonic stem cells was tantamount to murder.3 And in 2015, the anti-abortion brain geniuses at the Center for Medical Progress (which, in keeping with the longstanding convention of shadowy right-wing orgs, was founded to promote the exact opposite of what its name suggests) opened a fierce new front in American’s culture war by accusing Planned Parenthood of illegally selling fetal tissue to medical researchers.4 That’s “falsely,” because since the early ‘80s, said researchers have very legally purchased said tissues to develop—you guessed it!—regenerative medical applications like the one Bang Energy’s CEO dosed himself with on Instagram.

(Of course, the GOP never gave up on its main fetally-oriented outrage machine, abortion rights. Just a few weeks ago, the Trump-installed conservative majority on the Supreme Court upheld Texas’ draconian abortion ban, signaling the likely demise of Roe vs. Wade. If you’re wondering what that has to do with Owoc, wonder no more: he and his company, Vital Pharmaceuticals, donated at least $750,000 to Trump’s campaign and associated PACs during the 2020 election. Neat!)

Right-wing hypocrisy is to be expected, and not particularly funny. But what is funny is that the natal slurry Owoc pumped into his bloodstream may just be snake oil anyway. Shocking, I know. The company behind this “biologic solution” is Palm Beach’s CTM Biomedical, which barely exists online save for a sparse website. One of the top Google results for the firm is a July 2020 blog post by the physician physician-founder at different regenerative medicine firm5, who thinks both the product’s medical benefits and the firm itself are pretty dubious:

Questionable science married to spectacular hype for profit? No wonder Bang’s founder is shooting this stuff: that’s l’essence de Owoc, baby! I’m realizing now that this coverage might have convinced you that you should not, under any circumstance, follow @BangEnergy.CEO on Instagram. But even if you don’t, his #content may find you elsewhere. In the caption of the Facebook Live video of Owoc’s shot, his doctor wrote: “also watch out for him on @netflix , coming soon !” Given the source, and Owoc’s penchant for self-promotion, this might just be pure bullshit. Then again, that’s never stopped him before.

📬 Good post alert

Here’s a Truly cold-blooded take from the data-driven gang at Sightlines, the newly spun-off industry subscription offering from Good Beer Hunting) on Boston Beer Company’s hard seltzer sales shortfall, resultant stock slide, and new shareholder lawsuit:

⏭️ Meet Next, Bud Light’s carb-free long-shot

Last week Anheuser-Busch InBev, which is doing amazing, thanks, why do you ask?, announced the coming release of Bud Light Next, a 4% ABV beer that clocks in at 80 calories and zero carbs that the company has supposedly been developing for a decade. Finally, you’ll be able to honestly tell your friends you’re buying the “Next round” without putting your ketosis at risk! I assume you’re thrilled.

Or maybe you’re not. But ABI’s major shareholders might be. The megabrewer desperately needs a hit or several in the U.S., where sales of Bud Light sales (not to mention Bud Heavy, lol) have been on the decline for years. Recent line extensions on the Bud Light brand have been a mixed bag—from fruity spinoffs like The Ritas, née Bud Light, to the workhorse Chelada family, to FMB also-rans like Seltzer and Lemonade—but #wellness-oriented drinkers are supposedly clamoring for “healthier” beverage options across the soft-to-hard drink spectrum.

So ABI is placing what Bud Light VP Andy Goeler described to AdWeek as one of its “big bets” on Bud Light Next, hoping it’ll find audience with… I don’t know, thirsty 24.5 year-old paleo bros who own multiple pairs of both Allbirds and Birddogs and use “grub” as a verb? Hmm. The line extension won’t hit shelves until February, at which time ABI will presumably use all the money it was never going to spend on a Budweiser commercial for a Next spot instead. Plenty of time to figure out those last nitty-gritty details, such as:

• Who actually wants to drink this stuff;

• How it should be positioned next to Michelob Ultra, a low-carb beer that people actually want;

• And what to do about that branding, which looks like it was jacked from a bootleg TRON DVD case, and in no way gives off “future sales blockbuster we spent 10 years perfecting” energy.

While we’re on the subject of Bud Light Next’s branding, we simply must acknowledge MTV’s Next, a gloriously mid-Aughts dating series in which people made snap judgments about who they would and would not bang for the entertainment of you, the American cable TV viewer. This brings up an important metaphysical dilemma: if Bud Light Next existed in the same space and time as MTV’s Next, is it possible that someone could be nexted for admitting they drink Next? A real nextus of the universe, that. (Sorry.)

🧾 The Bottom Shelf

• Starbucks Is Waging a Ridiculous, Sinister Union-Busting Campaign: As Buffalo Starbucks workers continue to organize for an upcoming union election, the corporation continues to give the lie to its progressive veneer by engaging in union-busting 101. The coffee giant is trying to expand voting eligibility to all 450 workers in the city, rather than just those at the unionizing stores, in a classic effort to water-down the election. It’s also sending its executives to do menial tasks in its Buffalo locations, resulting in incredibly cringe-y moments of “one big family” corporate vaudeville like this lol:

• Revolt of the Delivery Workers: For Curbed, Josh Dzieza went long on the daily indignities, exploitations, and dangers delivery guys in NYC contend with as they fulfill dozens of orders for shit pay from billion-dollar platforms like DoorDash, Grubhub, and Uber Eats. One worker calls the platforms “patrón fantasma, the phantom boss — always watching and quick to punish you.” This is excellent reporting and it has implications for the drinking public, too: Uber acquired booze delivery leader Drizly earlier this year for $1B, and delivery platform goPuff has been buying up smaller platforms.

• How a WV Barrel Company Is Turning Heads in the Bourbon Industry: A nifty little look from my long-ago Thrillist compatriot Bill Kearney at how an Appalachian cooperage is trying to break into the clandestine, highly lucrative business of of bourbon barrel manufacture using infrared and CNC tech.

• BuzzBallz, TikTok and the Mechanics of Accidental Virality: “We’ve gone from, ‘I am drinking a Four Loko and it’s funny because the can is really ugly and there’s weird chemicals in it,’ to, ‘I am drinking a BuzzBall and I’m glad that my money is going to a women-owned company which cares enough to list all the ingredients on the front of the plastic sphere-can.’”

📲 Follow Fingers on Instagram

If you haven’t followed Fingers yet, you’re missing out on daily original memes about the booze business. Don’t do that! Do this instead:

Your feed will thank you. (Not really, that would be weird. But you know what I mean.)